June 7, 2010
Day 49
-
Jay Leno BP jokes of the night.
(hand transcribed – abbreviations used)
HEADLINE:
Umpire who blew perfect game hired to monitor oil rigs
-WH
Here’s some very exciting Science News!
Using electron microscopes, scientists have now discovered the slowest moving thing on Earth…
…turns out it’s the White House responding to the oil spill.
- Hayward
BP CEO Tony “Haywire” is making Wile E. Coyote look like a genius.
- Flow
BPs say this containment cap is now capturing 10K barls/day…
…which is amazing, considering they said they were only leaking 1K brls/day.
-Clean up
BP officials are now saying that the campaign to clean it up could last till fall.
You know why it’s called a campaign?
Because it’s like an election: it’s dirty, it’s slimy, it never seems to end.
-PR
They’re spending $50M on an advertising budget trying to put a PR spin on it.
Hear what they said today?
They’re saying fisherman down there are catching tuna that are getting 35 mpg.
-Heroin
Authorites are now warning that Mexican drug dealers are selling an ultra-potent heroin that could be deadly called black tar heroin.
Black tar heroin.
What…did BP merge with the Mexican drug cartel?
–
Have you seen the video circulating on the web with the 2 y/o Indonesian boy whose parents claim he smokes 2 pks cigs/day?
Of course, people are stunned…
…Nike employees getting a cigarette break??
When did that happen?
