April 22, 2008
Shuster & Carlson
SHUSTER: And we’re back. Just over three hours until the polls close in Pennsylvania. Tucker Carlson is a friend of mine, an MSNBC senior campaign correspondent. And joining us from Washington is Reuters Washington correspondent John Decker. Before we get to predictions, Tucker, I want to present you something that actually was delivered to Chris Matthews today, but he’s not here, and I stole it and I’m giving it to you.
SHUSTER: It’s a pen. It’s “Jabber Jaw Pens.” And when you listen to it here —
[cackling from pen]
SHUSTER: So, in honor of being on the air with you for the first time in a little while, I present you with a Hillary laughing pen.
CARLSON: You know, I can’t tell you, David, how much I appreciate this, how much I appreciate your going through Chris’ mail while he’s gone and how much I’m really going to miss that cackle. I hope it goes on forever. It’s brought light to my life.
SHUSTER: As we — to the refrain of Hillary cackling, let’s start with predictions tonight. What’s going to happen?
CARLSON: I think she could do better than expected. I mean, it’s impossible to overstate the degree to which this is about impressing the media, basically. She could win, you know, no votes at all, and she wouldn’t have to get out. She could win every vote in the entire state, and she wouldn’t win the nomination. And so this is about crossing the threshold that we set. And I think she’s going to have to do pretty well in order to do that. And I think she — I think she might.
Whether you choose to proudly wear it in your vest pocket as a display of candidate preference, or carry it with you while jogging to scare off muggers and stray dogs…
…Hillary look-alike/laugh-alike pen plays a medley of the New York senator’s actual chortles, snorts, and guffaws digitally recorded from her recent appearances on TV interview programs.
Sticklers for anatomical correctness in their writing utensils will be pleased to know that the face on the Hillary Laughing Pen features a hinged mouth which opens and closes in synchronization with each Hillary chuckle and giggle.
Sean Hannity: “Isn’t that frightening?
Jeannie Moos: “Some think it is as overdone as Al Gore’s kiss.”
Leon Wieseltier, the literary editor of The New Republic, once told me: “She’s never going to get out of our faces. … She’s like some hellish housewife who has seen something that she really, really wants and won’t stop nagging you about it until finally you say, fine, take it, be the damn president, just leave me alone.”