Jay Leno: White House is “the slowest moving thing on Earth”

June 7, 2010

Day 49

BP posts

LIVE FEED

–

Jay Leno BP jokes of the night.

(hand transcribed – abbreviations used)

HEADLINE:

Umpire who blew perfect game hired to monitor oil rigs

–WH

Here’s some very exciting Science News!

Using electron microscopes, scientists have now discovered the slowest moving thing on Earth…

…turns out it’s the White House responding to the oil spill.

– Hayward

BP CEO Tony “Haywire” is making Wile E. Coyote look like a genius.

– Flow

BPs say this containment cap is now capturing 10K barls/day…

…which is amazing, considering they said they were only leaking 1K brls/day.

–Clean up

BP officials are now saying that the campaign to clean it up could last till fall.

You know why it’s called a campaign?

Because it’s like an election: it’s dirty, it’s slimy, it never seems to end.

–PR

They’re spending $50M on an advertising budget trying to put a PR spin on it.

Hear what they said today?

They’re saying fisherman down there are catching tuna that are getting 35 mpg.

–Heroin

Authorites are now warning that Mexican drug dealers are selling an ultra-potent heroin that could be deadly called black tar heroin.

Black tar heroin.

What…did BP merge with the Mexican drug cartel?

—

2 y/o Indonesian boy smoking

Have you seen the video circulating on the web with the 2 y/o Indonesian boy whose parents claim he smokes 2 pks cigs/day?

Of course, people are stunned…

…Nike employees getting a cigarette break??

When did that happen?